I’m just over half way through my stay at The Farm holistic retreat, and already I feel calmer, happier – and a little more streamlined. I’ve shed a few kilos and am looking forward to a healthier approach to my lifestyle on my return to England next week. Sadly I haven’t managed to hit the gym, as I had planned because I haven’t had the energy – I’m on a liquid diet here which, whilst I am never hungry, doesn’t fill you with beans. The schedule is also quite full, so I’ve been trying to make time to just sit and think, as well as write.

That being said, I switched around a Thai massage appointment for this afternoon so I can make it to a 1.5hr yoga session in the open air ampitheatre. I am not a great fan of yoga – I always feel at a disadvantage, as I am the least flexible person I know, and invariably end up in tears. I think it’s just too much like the traumatic gym lessons at school, where I was always the uncoordinated flumper in the corner. But the classes here only have one or two people in them, and I think that more individual attention, where I don’t feel like I am always flailing about with misery and ineptitude, is the way forward. I shall report back. (Also: it takes place on a beautiful covered stage in the middle of a green jungle.)

Yesterday, after a 9am Tibetan steam bath, which saw my feet in a barrel, and my body swathed in a waterproof sheet, as I sweated out numerous toxins, I headed to the South Pool, whose pagoda had been emitting a siren call to me since I arrived here. Happily ensconced in its shade, I wrote for the rest of the morning, pausing only to suck down several green juices, delivered to my side. I had acupuncture after lunch – and now have tiny metal acupressure buttons in my ears to press from time to time, followed by a nutritional assessment.

Although I am quite aware of what I should and shouldn’t be eating, I found it very helpful to talk through the psychological side of a healthy diet, and came away feeling thoughtful about the changes I need to implement.

I’ve had two colonic treatments: I had a coffee enema on Monday, and the delightfully euphemistically named Angel of Water on Tuesday. During the latter I had that awful whole body  chill that comes just before you vomit, (although I didn’t), and dizziness, so decided that two was effective enough, thank you very much, and cancelled my two remaining treatments. (I’m pretty sure there is nothing left to expel, and monthly cramps weren’t adding much to the experience.)

The two things I am most looking forward to are both tomorrow:a Filipino body treatment and massages. Meanwhile, back to my pagoda…and yet another juice…


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I have just finished eating potato pancakes/latkes, call them what you will…I just know my dog loves the smell and the prospect of spills, so she just lies on the kitchen floor and waits.

I feel a long way from your discipline. Well done. It’s probably a good thing that you are taking it (relatively) easily. It must be hard when what looks like leisure to us is in fact your work.



I can’t get to grips with yoga either – it is the least relaxing thing I know, possibly due to my inability to breathe at the right times, whilst also getting into position, whilst trying to achieve serenity. I would much rather pound away in the cross trainer in my own inelegant way. Looks fabulous – and cancelling the remaining colonics sounds exceedingly sensible to me…

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