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A few weeks back I posted my Top Ten Tips for Internet Dating, gleaned from a heady whirl of online dating in New York a few years back. It incited a LOT of comment, here & on Twitter. One of the best published comments on the post was from one of my male readers, “Rob” who kindly left his advice for, “women using the internet to find a guy”. It was funny, thought-provoking and, I thought, ultimately useful, (although obviously all thoughts are his and his alone) so I am running it here for the edification of those readers who may not have seen it in the comments.

Here goes:

“Good list LLG, and here’s a thought from the (male) dark side. I’m a man, and not wholly innocent of some of these ‘crimes’, but I’m surprised by how naive some women are in their dealings with strangers in scenarios such as these. My extensive experience of such arrangements, has helped me develop a list of tips for women using the internet to find a guy.

Ladies – Please for your own protection and sanity…
1.Never, never, never, give them your mobile number or ‘proper’ email address until you’ve decided they’re for you. I’m still being text stalked by a crazy teacher from way back 2008.
2. Assume everything he tells you is untrue until you have incontrovertible proof. Don’t necessarily think he’s a liar, but just wait for evidence that he ‘aint.
3. Don’t accept faded, old, half-face, ‘artfully shady’ photos as proof of looks. If there’s any chance the photo may be fake assume that it is it is ‘dodgy’ and ask for a ‘more recent’ one.
4. Meet soon, somewhere very public, as LLG suggests, and make it ’30 minutes with the option of a second coffee, if we get on…’
5. Then have a friend on standby with a ‘work query’ after 30 mins that you can choose to take, or ignore, depending on how the coffee’s going. But it gives you a ‘out’.
6. Don’t have an alcoholic drink for the first hour if you can’t take a glass without losing your inhibitions- I’ve made that mistake and ended up in a sticky place because I find it hard to say no after two, and impossible to stop my ‘silver tongued devil’ after 3!
7. Always keep your knickers on for a first date. Men too. Far too complicated otherwise.
8. If you meet and feel that you’ve been deceived by the other person in any way, take that call after 30 minutes and Ruuuun! If this is them on their ‘best’ behaviour, then it’s not going to get better once you’ve swapped fluids.
9. Basic maths in support of Ms B – Subtract 2 from their age, 33% from their salary, 25% from their IQ and double their claimed number of girlfriends.
10. Going Dutch – If they quibble over who pays, or suggest you pay half, just leave. This isn’t sexual politics, it’s social courtesy.

Good luck, and if you follow these thoughts you can have great fun in great safety. You just might end up with fewer horror stories to tell your mates.”

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9 comments

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Thanks for this male point of view. It’s interesting and particularly that it’s very similar to LLG’s.

Although Point 2 makes me sad, really. I tend to believe people, until I have proof otherwise.

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Brilliant!

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You missed number eleven – that was my favourite!

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I am always fascinated to hear about internet dating from the male point of view. I could ask Rob loads of questions!

I have online dated on/off for the last 2/3 years, and met two short-term boyfriends that way. I’ve enjoyed it. My only warning to others is to suss out whether a man (or woman) is really who they say they are or whether that falls away in real life. For example, there are a lot of people purporting to like creative pursuits online, who are much less interested in real life. I met a lot of very cool men on my dates (a couple less so!) – you just have to go with your gut instinct on these people when you start chatting to them. The players become quite obvious if you’re smart! And I unintentionally met a couple of good friends through the dating site, so that was a great bonus. I’m currently six months into a relationship with someone I met online, and so far he’s proved to be even better than his online profile; let’s just say he restored my faith in it when I was beginning to lose enthusiasm. I hope it works out, but whatever happens I’d recommend online dating as a generally good experience, and worth persisting with. Don’t give up after a few months or a few dates, just because you haven’t met The One yet. And don’t discount the matches that seem less obvious – I wouldn’t have picked my current boyfriend as my natural match but actually it’s refreshing to have some differences. If you get fed up, take a break for a little while to focus on yourself, and go back when you feel more excited by it. At the very least you get to discover some brilliant new places to go with your friends when you regale them with your online dating stories!

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Very interesting points you have made there, proferssional and well stated
Dating Advice Expert

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Got to dress right for these dates – last two times had huge suceess wearing my fab floaty top by blue mojito –

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Tip number 2 applies for women, too. 🙂 if you don’t know someone well, you should never take anything at face value.

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I like 10. Cheapness is unattractive.

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Such simple rules, but so true!

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