If you are a single man then my advice to you would be to beg, borrow or steal a baby Basset Hound. My boys could hardly walk more than a metre down the Long Branch beach boardwalk without some nubile young thing hurling herself at the puppy cuteness.

It’s a shame then that all that action was just as much wasted on the boys as it is on me: they are married to each other and, if I were to contemplate some Sapphic action, it would not be with a girl in a pastel tracksuit & Uggs.

As far as luring the men of Long Branch, it seems clear that puppies are also necessary. Although I’m talking about the two puppies wriggling in a sack variety as opposed to the ones on a leash: if the Guido type appeals just wear a low cut top.

After a couple of hours spent fending off the puppy fondlers, we went home to Colt’s Neck, where I reflected yet again that it’s a good thing I’m here in New Jersey to work not prowl.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

You May Also Like

6 comments

Reply

Can you do a quick post on 'how to catch a man friend' in deepest darkest wales? I don't think the basset hound puppy will work, and it is too cold for low cut tops….

Reply

I have to admit I would have joined the que of puppy fondlers!
I once got very lost in Paris trying to catch up with a dog I wanted to stroke (I was missing my dog and needed to fondle a dog) !

Reply

D'oh!!

When I think of all the time I wasted trying to net a spouse using the old standbys—charm and personality—I want to slap my forehead!

Why didn't I think of this?

Reply

haha… this is so funny and so true – the puppy is the best accessory and conversation breaker – btw: i read the post on IFB of your interpretation of FTC guideline – very well written and informative :-))) xoxo

Reply

Pah. What about the cat-lovers?

Reply

Puppies are a good technique, they always catch my eye. But what really makes me melt is a man with a horse!! What girl hasn't wanted a pony at some point in her life…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.