It has been forcefully pointed out to me that the reason that so many of my dates do not work out is because I am dating guys who have approached me, rather than the other way round. I trot off to the dates intrigued but not excited and with little or no expectation of anything clicking. After all, it is their interest which is driving the date, not my own, so it’s no surprise that I feel little or no investment in the process and am usually disappointed romantically, however much I enjoy their company.

I, like most women on-line dating, receive so many emails that it’s just simpler to engage with the already interested. In addition, I very rarely find profiles when I browse that interest me and, if I were to be brutally honest, the very, very few men I have reached out to have not got back to me bar one or two. So, I take the passive route.

Anyway, browsing away on-line for odd usernames for a previous blog post whilst watching CSI the other night, a photo jumped out at me. Good looking man, witty, engaging profile, compatible job, right age and lots of similar interests. This probably happens once every two months. So I emailed him, with absolutely no expectation of hearing from him.

And then he emailed me back. So far, so good: can spell, is funny, likes jumping around at gigs. Still, although I pretty much like what I’ve seen so far, I am finding it hard to summon up any enthusiasm. I think I am just so jaded by dating men who don’t interest me that the whole process has lost its sparkle.

But I am trying hard to engage.The bar he has suggested for our date tonight is a particular favourite, and I like Sunday evening as there’s no pressure to truss myself up like a Christmas turkey. My main dilemma right now is trivial in the extreme: 90% of my clothing is in storage so outfit choices are limited. I’ll prob wear my leather biker jacket with a little dress & Wolfords underneath and a huge knitted cashmere scarf wrapped over all.

But: shoes? Heels feel over the top (I only have leopard print, platform strappy suede things, suede & patent ankle boots (maybe?) or Azagury suede courts (too grown up) and flats are either MBTs (yeah, right), Minnetonka moccasins (def not ), ballerines (too fey), or 3cm heel thigh high black suede boots which I adore but maybe a little risqué for a Sunday night…(they did go down EXTREMELY well on a date last week tho). Hmmm. Decisions, decisions.

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Gah, so many choices. Your ankle boots sound promising, and dare I say, a safe choice.

Jumping around a gigs? Now that’s my kind of bloke. Hope he’s lovely. xx


Good luck! x


I tend to give shit advice on the dating thing, so should shut up. BUT – wear the sexy ones! Go ooooooooooon! Cxx


Well it’s got to be the foxy boots hasn’t it?


You have an interesting blog.
Hug from



Gosh–the ankle boots are super cute! This guy sounds gooood. LOVE a guy who can spell. Good luck! Waiting to hear how it goes.


I vote for the ankle boots, although the thigh highs sound gorgeous too, but maybe too much on a Sunday night.


I have no idea about the shoes, but I hope the date goes well. Btw, spelling really is important isn’t it? Glad it’s not just me…


Yes! you’re absolutely right. Shoes are the absolute kicker for a date. And there are definitely shoes that girls love but men just don’t get. Like those Minnetoka boots!

Good luck. I was the one who asked the boy out and we’ve been together for four years! You may have brought up a really good point.


Ankle boots, definitely !

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