I’m a huge aficianado of fake eyelashes. I love the way they give my eyes an almond shaped sexiness, helping them look huge in photographs. I’m a dab hand at putting them on, and recommend Eylure’s style 101 lashes for a look so natural that no one can spot them. You also need a steady hand, clear glue in a proper tube (not the ickle glass phials that come with lashes), and those small travel size tweezers that let you get in close when you are positioning them.

Unfortunately they should only really be worn by women who are meticulous about their appearance, and who are fond of taking furtive peeps in their hand looking-glasses*. Whilst I will spend maybe fifteen minutes applying slap, once I’m out of the house I rarely check my face in a mirror.

This is a mistake. Twice now a strip of fake lashes has parted company with my eyelid in a public place, and I have failed to notice. The first time I had cycled madly down Greenwich Avenue to Employees Only (a proper old-school cocktail haunt) for a blind date. I chained up my wheels round the corner, whipped my heels out of the bike basket, applied some lipstick blind, and sauntered gracefully over to my date who was leaning against a tree outside the entrance. We shook hands. He then stared at me, hard. Great, I thought. He’s overcome by my flushed cheeks and radiant beauty. But no. One of my false lashes was hanging by a fibre from the corner of my eye.

But at least he told me.

Second time I was fooling around, fully dressed, in bed with a preppy New Yorker. After a while, I de-suctioned myself, as I felt something brush against my cheek. Yup. My lash was dangling from my eyelid again. Oh yes, preppy banker said, that’s been like that for a while.


* Apologies to Nancy Mitford

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I’ve never had the guts to glue something to my eyelid—I’m too much of a wimp.

But I think they look beautiful and ethereal and surreal and wonderful.


Lol…. this is precisely why I fear false eyelashes even if they are super flattering (I had to have Shu Uemura lady apply them for me…. nice but I did feel like something was poking into my eye constantly…).
At least the blokes didn’t really give a toss though…


oh no! that’s such a funny, experience with falsies.

i only wear mine on special occasions, but back when i was a kitten, and party girl i wore mine all night long. the key i guess, was lots of glue, put on with a toothpick, duo works best… and liquid black eyeliner.

now a days, they have such great mascaras, that the falsies add a volume, but you can actually get away with just mascara. it will smudge in a fooling around session, but at least it wont fall off.


Haha, that made me laugh out loud!


Oh, you make me laugh. A great writer can laugh at herself. It’s nice to know we all have oops moments.


And it isn’t just false eyelashes (which I can apply correctly to the right eye only)…

I bought a tube of YSL Faux Cils mascara (black, bien sur). Worked diligently on applying and headed off to an important interview.

Fortunately, I stopped in at Barney’s on the way. I also stopped at the fragrance counter where I was accosted by a very eager clerk.

“Did you know your mascara is all over your cheeks?”

And so it was. Most of it. The damage was tremendous. Big murky half-circles and fibrous flakes. Dreadful. There was some near the tip of my nose as well.

Thank God for Barney’s. They cleaned me up, re-made my face, and sent me on my happy way (with perfume samples to boot!).

I did not get the job, but I returned the next day to make a serious perfume purchase.

And never was unfaithful to waterproof Voluminous again.


That was actually quite funny, but as Jane said, at least you can laugh about it :). And neither of the boys in question minded.
I actually fancied the idea of eyelash extensions once upon a time, but then someone told me that the lashes bend and break if you sleep on your side. So much for that, now..


Oh boy! I started reading the post thinking “mmmm, maybe I should really give fake lashes a try” and ended up thinking “that’s so gonna happen to me if I do”. Never mind. Guess I should stick to mascara and be happy when I manage to come home still looking like a girl instead of a sci-fi like creature made by the mating of a girl and a panda!


I’m a little young for falsies but your stories have more than a little worried me about them!


Viktor & Rolf are going to be dabbling in false eyelashes. Maybe they’ll prove to be sturdier… or possibly just more expensive.

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